The Wycombe Diary

A very sunny day to launch a pantomime! Peter and I arrived at the Wycombe Swan at 11am to be greeted by Paul Elliott, our producer. We’ve never played this theatre before, and got a chance to take a quick look at the stage and the auditorium before heading for the dressing rooms.

It’s a 1,000 seater, with stalls and two circles. When we arrived the theatre was “dark”- meaning it doesn’t have a show in at the moment, so the stage was completely empty, and deceptively big. I’m not sure it’ll look so big once our large “Cinderella” scenery, proscenium and borders are installed, and the large scenic trucks for the kitchen and ballroom are in position in the wings!

The first thing we noticed with a sigh of relief was a flat floor! Hoorah. There is no “rake” here. The stage doesn’t slope, and therefore our feet won’t ache quite so much when we do two shows a day in ridiculously high shoes!

The theatre is about fifteen years old- so very modern in theatre terms, and the dressing rooms large and airy- most of them are up one flight of stairs. Already our eyes are scanning the scene dock area stage left, looking for a potential space to install our quick change room. Hopefully all our costumes will be tucked away on stage, as there’s not enough time in the show to climb up and down those stairs to do the changes!

Delighted to meet up again with Michelle Potter, our lovely “Cinderella”- recently returned from performing in “West Side Story” in Cyprus in a 2,000 seater open air auditorium. Shortly afterwards Brian Conley arrived, and after a very quick “hello” we headed to the dressing rooms to be ready for a twelve o’clock kick off- quite appropriate for “Cinderella” really- in our case noon not mid-night!

Had a chance to say hello to Ian Wilson from Qdos before getting ready, and were very well looked after by the marketing department of The Swan- Fjola Stenning, Tom Schoon and Jamie Sansom.

Outside the theatre awaited Cinderella’s carriage and, of course “my boys”- well two of them- ponies Button and Baby. Button is an old hand at this kind of event, and baby- the smaller of the two, is new to Peter & I. Also outside was a “Blizzard” machine- a snow machine that, it was planned, would give a festive air to this late summer event.

Out we came- Brian in buttons costume, Michelle in her ball gown and Peter & I in something simple we’d just thrown on (and missed). Paul Elliott greeted the ladies and gentlemen of the press, and several firemen (the station is next door) shimmied up a ladder and greeted Brian with shouts of “It’s a puppet”, before carrying on with their drill.

Even a passing policeman was drafted in to appear to book the Crystal Coach for parking on a double yellow line.

The press lined up for shots, and the snow machine showered the roof of the theatre in a thin sprinkling of foam. Not quite the effect we desired! A few minutes later the snow machine was aimed at all of us aboard the coach, and succeeded in showering the ladies and gentlemen of the press in a thick layer of foam! How we laughed as the ponies decided they’d had enough and started to set off with us aboard..Ugly Sisters can be useful at holding a coach in place at times!

Photographs over, we retired to the upper foyer, and settled down behind a table looking, for all the world like an odd team from University Challenge. Paul Elliott made a speech, and then we all answered questions. During this session it was fascinating to discover that this will be Paul’s 400^th or so pantomime as producer! This year Paul Robinson (who directed this panto at Manchester) will be directing and choreographing, and Paul (Elliott) will join us on the second week of rehearsals.

After this we split up for individual interviews for radio, television and the press, and finished the session at around 2.30pm. One of the charming highlights of this press call was the addition of some local primary school children- they had their photos taken with us (and the ponies of course) and asked questions in the press call itself. I hope other theatres take up this idea- after all, they are our audience! We gave them goodie bags when they left which, I have to say the Sisters would have enjoyed. Cinderella Bubbles to blow, an inflatable trumpet (yes- I wondered that, but you can never have too many..) pens with furry characters on top, notebooks, badges- very envious we were!

Said quick goodbyes to Brian, Michelle and Paul, then headed back to London. Time really is going to fly between now and November 25^th when we meet up here again for rehearsals. Just enough time to get in a few weeks of our Panto Roadshow in Aberdeen, Hull and Wolverhampton before we begin rehearsals!

The veterans and the newcomers of the “Conley Cinderella” met up at the Wycombe Swan to create another season of panto magic! For some of us this is our fifth year (and for others our sixth year) together, and a family reunion took place this morning!

Apologies for the long list of names that follows, but there are many characters to place in the adventure that is to unfold over the next six weeks- some familiar to avid readers of these IBY panto diaries, and some new- and the cast list will grow as we get into technical and dress rehearsals.

Obviously our family is led by the star of our show- the local boy this year (as he lives “just down the road”) Brian Conley, and by our two leaders- Paul Elliott- Producer extraordinaire, and Paul Robinson who will be staging the production in addition to choreographing the pantomime.

We met up in the Swan foyer- amid a scene of “luvvie-dom”, much mwah-ing and such like, under the Big Brother type gaze of the Wycombe “Big Brother” camera! Not only has the Swan got an excellent website- www.wycombeswan.co.uk but it looks as if they’ll be recording snippets of backstage life and perhaps relaying them onto their site, as they did with our press call in the summer here.

Great to meet up with the gang- Dawson Chance (our Baron as ever) without Willy- Willy the Turtle, along with Bruce the Kangaroo are a tad grand, and rarely make an appearance before the technical rehearsal. They like a long lie-in.

Met up with Michelle Potter- our very lovely Cinderella, and Jody Crosier-once again giving his “Dandini”, and Peter and I were introduced to our “new” Fairy- Kerry Winter and “new” Prince Charming, Dean Chisnall.

Our DSM (Deputy Stage Manager- the man who makes the magic happen!) is Martin Hinkins. Martin, as regular readers will recall was with Peter & I at the Hippodrome Birmingham last year. He is also the guardian of the “Sweety Table”- resting place (very briefly) of Krispy Kream Donuts, Chockies, and sometimes a home baked Hinkins cake!

Our Company Stage Manager is Bryan Lawrence. Brian and I met up today for the first time in (we reckon) twenty-one years! In the deays when David Ian was appearing as “Rocky” alongside Qdos’s Jonathan Kiley in “The Rocky Horror Show”, and Bryan joined the touring company. Neither of us have changed a bit we decided!

Joining us once more are Rossana Stocchino and Philip Dzwonkiewicz- Rossana is also Paul Robinson’s assistant, and we also have for the first time Lia Given, Lucy Harrison, Sarah Riches and Jack Jefferson with us in this show.

Our two ASM’s- “Assistant Stage Managers” are Richard Hale (recently graduated from Mountview) and Rachel Moule. Richard’s musical interests are reflected in his website www.djhalo.co.uk

Our Musical Director this year is Barry Robinson- Barry’s last voyage into Pantoland was with Bobby Davro in Milton Keynes, around six years ago. To find out a little more his website is www.barryrobinson.net.

Looking after sound for the show this year is Sarah Sendell- Sarah will be attending the “run-throughs” in a few days time to finalise her sound plot for a show that is essentially a large scale musical in terms of sound design.

Wardrobe this year will be in the very capable hands of Jo Lewis (Wardrobe Mistress) and her two assistants Sonia Owen and Rebecca Dorrington.

The staff of the Wycombe Swan were out in full force to meet and greet us, with a very generous supply of Danish pastries and coffee to hand- and we were officially greeted by the Theatre Director, Sam McCaffrey and by her Operations Manager, Rob Allerston, along with Tom Schoon from press and publicity.

Brian replied on behalf of the assembled company, and then we were taken on a tour of both the Swan and the Town Hall which adjoins the theatre, led by Rob Allerston. He told us about the older theatre, now listed, and the council’s decision to retain it and build the new Swan next door- an idea not too dissimilar to the possible plans for a New Kenneth More Theatre in Ilford being muted at this moment in time. The Old and the new next door to each other.

We discovered the “Oak Room” where we’ll be rehearsing- a rather grand wood panelled Masonic style hall. Since we need more space for the ensemble to be choreographed, the rest of us are next door, rehearsing in what I think is a bar. Very apt!

Paul (Robinson) took us through the “blocking” of Act One today, and by the end of the day we had achieved this, and made a start on some of the musical numbers to boot.

In between blocking I got the chance to chat to a few of the others about their year outside of Hardup Hall. Michelle has been busy- working in Larnaca (Cyprus) in an open air production of “West Side Story”, playing Rosalia. The venue seats 3,000! Since then she’s found time to play the role of Laura Denham in a pilot of “Young Doctors” the ITV drama, and make an appearance in “Ballet Shoes” which will be shown on Christmas Day- when Michelle will doubtless be luxuriating in her one day off, and able to watch herself in this ITV Drama on the telly!

Jody and Martin have both been touring extensively in Paul Elliott’s Comedy “There’s No Place Like A Home”, which finished just a week ago at Worthing- I enjoyed a visit to the Palace Westcliff to see the show this summer- great fun it was!

Our Fairy Kerry has only recently left the cast of “The Sound Of Music” at the London Palladium to pick up her wand and appear in this most magical of pantomimes.

Our Prince, Dean has been extremely busy touring in the “Take That” Musical called “Never Forget”. He plays Gary Barlow! The production will restart a brief tour a few weeks after this panto finishes, and then will “come into town” and open at London’s Savoy Theatre on 7^th May 2008. More info can be found on www.neverforgetthemusical.com

Peter and I have been touring with our Panto Roadshow- During the summer Peter gave his Sherlock Holmes in “The Hound Of The Baskervilles” for the Illyria Theatre Company all over the country, Dawson has been working in Spain- where he lives all year round- and I’ve been writing and costuming a few productions which hopefully will all be on by the time we open this show on December 7^th!

Brian is not slacking either at the moment. Having wound down his television appearances ready for Pantomime, he’s also completing some exclusive cabaret bookings before we open. He’s also thrown his comedic weight behind the radio adverts for this panto. If you take a look on the Swan website you’ll not only see Brian delivering the voice-overs in the studio, but also get a look at Paul (Elliott) performing alongside Brian in the adverts. Take a look- they are great fun!

Tomorrow we continue blocking the show- picking it up at the beginning of Act Two- The Grand Ballroom. The moves are there in the brain somewhere, and hopefully the light will shine brighter when it comes to the ballroom. I had a bit of trouble recalling my moves today- it was a year ago admittedly, but maybe tomorrow all will become a bit clearer!

Continued to work in the two rooms today, with Rossana taking the dancers in the Oak Room, and Paul completing the blocking of Act Two in the smaller room.

Things did start coming back a bit swifter today- its more a case of putting yourself “In the frame”- suddenly you can visualise yourself moving on a certain line, and it all falls into place. We hope!

Peter & I have had a chat, and decided that we’re going to swap a couple of costumes around- not something we do very often. Sisters can alternate between very silly and sometimes very glamorous costumes. We have a scene where we can wear a funny costume without it detracting from the plot, and a plot scene where we could wear the more “glamorous” costumes without pulling focus from the action- so, we’ll give it a go on the dress rehearsal! It won’t be clear to us until an audience is in as to whether we’ve achieved the effect we want or not, so it’s a question of educated guesswork at the moment!

We’ve also worked in a few new gags (heaven forbid..NEW gags??) into a scene in Act Two, pending approval by Paul (Elliott) when we do the run-through on Monday next.

In the meantime Bryan (Co Manager) has organised the space where the Quick Change area will be built on Stage Left- I recall Danny La Rue used this area when he did panto here, and remember him saying it was near to the wing but tucked away so you avoided passing scenery! The costumes will arrive on Monday. We may need access to our make-up and a frock on Tuesday for a press call, so hopefully they will be on stage level by then, getting in everyone’s way!

I did a quick radio interview lunchtime on the phone. It was a bit unexpected..walking back from Costa Coffee I got a phone call,

”Hello, we were going to have someone famous do an interview about Panto but they’ve let us down.. could you…?” For a second I glowed..Famous? Moi? Then he spoiled it.. “So we’ve been given your number. Do you do panto? Have you done a few?”..”What was your name again?” Deep sigh and I did the interview..

It turns out that a certain Simon Curtis had also done an interview for this radio station, so we’ll doubtless get a copy to put in the diary section in the future. Had a message from Simon. In it he described his holiday break from Welsh National Opera is the same length as my run in Panto. Actually his break is a week longer! That is amazing!

Today the dynamic duo- Jody and Dean worked out their sword fight for the second day running. Since this is a potentially dangerous bit of stage business they will be rehearsing each and every day from now on until the pantomime ends. Even on the final day of the panto last year Jody and Sean Needham (Our Prince of five years) were still going through the sword fight prior to going on stage. Sean is currently in the West End in “Buddy” at the Duchess, and keeps in touch with us- he’ll be along to see the show early on in the run on a day off from his show.

Finished the afternoon setting everyone into the opening number- we all make a brief entrance timed to the music and to the dialogue of our Fairy Kerry. That part was fine. The music helps you focus and we were very smug about being in the right place at the right time after not doing it for a year!

Decided since we’d finished early that I would actually go home (as in real home not digs home!) tonight- it takes about an hour and three quarters , and I’m not called until Tomorrow afternoon. Not dwelling on the issue but the said home got burgled last night, and quite frankly I need to check what’s what and where for peace of mind.. My brother has been heroically dealing with it all, and in a way I’m lucky I was away as my laptop would have been a prime candidate for thieves- and no laptop would mean no IBY Diary. Relieved to find nothing major taken, and nothing that can’t be replaced or repaired. My precious Panto archive was untouched.

Called at 2pm tomorrow. I’ll hopefully arrive from Marylebone Station at around 1.30pm.

We’re all working in the large hall today- the Oak Room. A great rehearsal space but with quirky heating. Arctic or tropical. Nothing in between! The windows are very impressive too- and I quite liked the effect it gives our director Paul Robinson as he sits enthroned with his back to the stained glass- very majesterial with perhaps a hint of the divine?

I think we were on form, today in general. We spent a lot of time on Act Two Ballroom, as well as Act One opening. The ballroom involves a fair bit of choreography and click tracking, augmented by our MD Barry, and with the addition of the juveniles, its quite a complex scene. The children from the Jackie Palmer School arrived after school, and were “slotted” into their places in both scenes.

Peter and I have made a decision to swap those costumes around, and that involves changing the “play on” as well. For those not up to speed with our terminology, a “play On” is that short snippet of music that proceeds a comic scene, and often gives the audience fair warning that something funny is about to happen. (I do hope so in our case!). This is similar to a “Play Off” where the comic finishes his piece and exits to the sound of “corny Dixie” type music. Historically this is to prevent comics exiting to just the sound of their own feet on a cold Tuesday at the Attercliffe Pavilion!

These “Play ons” and “Play Offs” have their historical origins in Music Hall and variety. Often established comics would use signature play ons that were instantly recognised by the audience from their radio shows, or their “greatest Hits”. An example would be Ken Dodd’s play on- “Happiness”, and “Love Is Like A Violin” (his hit songs) or going back a while Reg Dixon- the comic not the Blackpool organist entered as Dame to his hit song “Confidentially”.. Think Morecambe & Wise “Bring Me Sunshine” and you have the idea!

Well- there you go. Didn’t think you were going to get a history lesson eh? Nor did I!

Did several runs of both ballroom and opening sequences, and ran through a fair bit of the show. Normally you would not expect to be this far advanced, but as so many of us have done this show before, and because we have extremely talented people at the helms- we are ahead of ourselves.

However- we do have two people who have NOT done this show before, and in fact have not done pantomime before- and without making their ears burn or their heads swell, I think we’d all agree that a certain Fairy and a certain Prince are doing an amazing job. Books down. Songs and moves learnt. Confidence and energy to the fore (well- it may be a “front” but it’s a pretty convincing one!) Kerry and Dean are frankly quite amazing!

Tomorrow we have the chance to run through the show a few times, I think I’m doing an interview for a newspaper at some point, and Michelle and Dean will be lighting up the beautiful village of Princes Risborough when they switch on the Christmas lights!

Did a full run-through today, from start to finish- including the songs, the dances and the funny bits! I think it all went rather well, and all praise to Dean and Kerry for getting up to full speed in only a few days! Considering we have a week before we actually open, I think a minor celebration is in order!

However- if we’ve just done the end of term show today, we have to repeat it on Monday in front of the Head- our esteemed director and producer Paul Elliott will be here, and we have to repeat our efforts in a full out all pistons firing run through on Monday Morning starting at 10am. No pressure there then!

Jody headed off for an audition- even though you might be occupied in one show, in this business you have to be constantly keeping a weather eye on the next job- and Dean and Michelle had to wait around for the car to collect them and take them to Princes Risborough for the “switching on “ of the Christmas Lights.

As Peter & I headed for the station the heavens began to open. Cinderella & Prince Charming will need large umbrellas tonight I fear. Fingers crossed it clears up in time.

Delighted to see Biggins winning the “Jungle” this evening- couldn’t wish it on a nicer bloke- and even though he’s not giving his Dame this year, I think we’ll see a lot of him in the coming months and in Panto next year! Two Panto Kings of the Jungle to date then- Joe Pasquale and now Christopher Biggins.

I arrived at the rehearsal room early. Not surprising really, as I left at 6.15pm yesterday! I thought I’d head for my Wycombe digs the night before- it would be easier than the morning rush. And faster.. less hassle…You don’t need a crystal ball to see what’s coming next eh? Yes- it took a total of three hours and ten minutes to make the 90 minute journey, and involved me getting on a bus, a tube and a train before using my feet!

Arrived last night very frazzled. I had recently gone to Paris. The journey was almost an hour shorter!

Today we met up to run the show for Paul Elliott, our esteemed producer. Paul directed this show last year in Birmingham, and there’s an excellent interview plus some footage of Paul on the Wycombe Website in their Pantomime Pages.

Had a quick chat with Michelle and Dean. As suspected their “Switching on of the lights” at Princes Risborough was under rainy skies, but by all accounts it was a jolly affair. Apparently they were swept to and from the venue in a very impressive long black car- not so much a Hertz rental as a hearse rental- and brought some panto magic that lit up the town, and got to meet Santa into the bargain.

Began our run through at 10am. Both teams of “babes” in attendance, one set acting as our audience for the run through. To be truthful, it all seemed to go like clockwork. I know that’s not surprising as many of us have done it before- but when you consider the new members of our company, along with our new (but extremely experienced) Musical director and the Juveniles..I think it went incredibly well. However- like in the “X Factor” we are not the judges. We are the Judged.

The Judge in our case is the man who is styled “The King Of Pantomime”. The man who created his own pantomime company and steered it to become the biggest in the uk (which in pantomime terms means..the world!) and the man who has just directed Edinburgh panto (Goldilocks) and after us will direct Birmingham Hippodrome (Aladdin) with Barrowman, Daleks and 3d Genies….

The man from Qdos he say “Yes!”. Paul Elliott was delighted! Apparently our title of “Classiest Panto” is intact, and we are such good boys and girls that we get some time off from rehearsing to concentrate on getting our costumes, dressing rooms and our acts together. Hoorah!

Our actual call is now Wednesday, however Peter & I have some press calls tomorrow, and this extra time will allow us to organise our costumes and quick change area without having to rush. This is a luxury!

We started by checking that our stuff had been unloaded, and located the boxes and rails. We then transferred the stuff we need in the dressing room upstairs. In fact, virtually nothing of a costumic nature will be in the dressing room. It will all be in the Quick Change Room. The dressing room will be, as it so often is, the place where the tea, mince pies and the odd stick of make-up will be found. Nothing else! More often than not each year our room is actually a “Green Room”.

Actually our plans to create a Wycombe “Green Room” upstairs have been thwarted a bit. We thought we’d located a fridge- essential for the storing of milk and fizzy drinks.. i.e fizzy drinks bearing the name “Lanson” or “Moet”..but sadly the fridge was a deceased fridge. Next our attempts to locate a sofa fell by the wayside.

If I ever become King of Pantoland for a day, my special decree will be for all dressing rooms throughout my kingdom to be furnished with at least one sofa or comfortable chair! We spend over a month in a dressing room, and inhabit that room from 2pm until 10pm six days a week..maybe as King I could persuade the SPOAN (Society for the protection of Actor’s Napping) to raise a lottery to supply said soft furnishings!

In the interim I’m ringing around local second hand merchants but so far no so fa. (I am sorry, but it IS Panto time)

We went into the outer dock (that’s the bit stage left that leads to the outside world where the ponies will be housed..) to look at the possibility of having the “Quick Change” room built, and had second thoughts. It will be quite parky there (The ponies prefer it to be that way) and perhaps a little whiffy when occupied by ponies (The ponies prefer it that way). There is a small “Quick Change” area near the prompt desk on Stage Left which was purpose built. It’s small- not meant for two Grand Dames and their Imelda Marcos collection of shoes, their twenty four frocks and twenty odd wigs..but perhaps with some re-arranging and economic use of space we might just fit in there. It is, after all, heated and potentially free of Pony Pooh!

Tomorrow we have Three Counties Radio interview at 11am in the dressing room, then at 11.30 I believe we are transforming a Male BBC Television presenter into a Pantomime Dame- just a normal day in pantoland really. Now.. the search continues for the elusive Sofa…

For a day off it was a long day! Peter and I met up at the Swan at 10.30am. Crossing the stage to get to the dressing rooms the transformation from yesterday was amazing. All the scenery has now been unloaded and the cloths are hung. The trucks (scenery on wheels for the uninitiated!) have been mostly built and were cluttering up the wings.

The Swan is, of course a lot smaller than the Hippodrome in Birmingham, and has less wing space- although it has more wing space than several other theatres I can think of! It looks- by the proliferation of Ballroom chandeliers and ballistrades- like Act Two scenery, most notably the ballroom, will probably live in the outer scene dock until the interval, and then will be brought on to the stage and the staircase constructed each show. My guess is the ponies will be using that outer dock as their second home, and confirms that we stand no chance of using it as a quick change area!

Thanks to the Herculean efforts of our assistant stage managers, Rachel & Richard, the cluttered area next to the stage was transformed- they created space, heaved our rails back and forth and created a quick change area we can work with. We share it with Sarah’s sound thingy- a sort of mini tardis of flashing lights that means if you wear a microphone you will be heard- it has our character names on it and winking lights. It has “Spare Mic One” and “Spare Mic 2” flashing away as well, so I think we’re covered! It sits in a corner of the area and we promise not to use it for resting feather boas on, and will attempt not to pull the plugs out and silence the show!

No sofa.. the sofa saga continues.. but in the magical world of soft furnishings a slightly elderly but serviceable “Parker Knoll” reclining chair has found its way upstairs. We hope the companion Stannah and commode don’t join it! However, it IS a chair-It’s a start!

The first part of the morning was taken up being interviewed for BBC Radio three counties on the subject of Pantomime- and the role of the Dame. Actually it was great fun to do as a lot of research had gone into the topic, which is destined to be part of a series leading up to pantomime. Less of an interview, more of an impassioned chat, I think Peter and I could have talked for Britain, and in fact I think we managed a fair old forty-five minutes before we ran out of time. Very Jolly that was- thank you BBC Three Counties!

Following on, Tom in publicity had also arranged a short piece to camera for the BBC South news report on Friday. I’m not altogether sure whether Wycombe gets BBC South but might get to see it just before our opening night. Although I have a feeling we might be a tad busy at about 6.30pm!

The piece (when edited) will run for less than two and a half minutes, but, in television terms that could easily take an hour or more to shoot. Our mission- should we wish to accept it, which we did- from Tom Shoon was to transform a journalist from the BBC, namely Alastair Fee, into a pantomime Dame. Not Mission Impossible- improbable maybe, but not impossible.

The tricky bit about giving someone else the “Dame Make-over” is that neither Peter or I are actually any good at doing someone else’s make-up! Proper Make Up Artistes are adept at working from behind, and creating a make up on their subject in mirror image. We generally make a mess. No change this time! However, it suddenly occurred to me that this wasn’t “real time”, so we stopped and requested five minutes to do a better job, without having a lens up your nostril and answering questions at one and the same time!

It’s a funny old world isn’t it? One week ago Alastair was standing in front of a BBC camera in Afghanistan. Today he’s in Wycombe being made up as a lady. Still could be worse.. being dressed as a lady in Afghanistan would be challenging I suppose. If you get to see it, Alastair begins the lengthy news item reporting from the desert, and ends it in Wycombe. There you go!

Returned to the “how do you solve a problem like my quick change” after late lunch. This time a bit of jiggling and teasing of rails and tables resulted in a pretty good changing area. It is small, and part of it is in a public thoroughfare- i.e we could get in the way of stampeding babes I suppose..but I think this is a good as it is going to get. Everything is hung up, and the accessories are to hand. The costumes are in the quick change, just next to the door on to the Stage Left Wing,the wigs are in the adjoining corridor next to the lift, and the feathers and finale stuff a bit further around the corner. We can’t put a wig on in the quick change area as the ceilings and the door onto stage isn’t high enough- so we’ll get those handed to us once we get through the door!

Looked at the watch. It was now 7.30pm. Still, two interviews, a quick change sorted out, and a dressing room sorted- having today off from rehearsing has been a boon. We are now ready for tomorrow’s tech/dress rehearsal of Act One at 2pm.

As we left, the activity on stage was continuing, as it will do until about eleven o’clock tonight I GUESS. Paul (Elliott) had returned from his rehearsal for Birmingham Panto in London, and was lighting the show along with our lighting designer David Kidd. Martin and Bryan (Lawrence) were in the auditorium, as they have been for most of the day, and Sarah and her sound team were at the back of the auditorium setting up their state of the art “digital” radio microphones. Barry and his band were at work beneath the stage. In fact as scenery flew in and out the entire technical team were creating a magic world as we stepped out into the wilds of Wycombe.

Had the luxury of a bit of a lie in this morning- one of the joys of not commuting daily I guess! Dealt with a few phone calls this morning, from Panto folk regarding costumes- It still surprises me that costumes can be left to the very last minute, and there is often a flurry of activity as rehearsals- and even scarier- opening nights approach. Recently the Kenneth More has had a good few enquiries and we’ve tried to help where we can, but now the panto stock is getting very thin! Our costumes are spread around the country- either full sets or the odd costume from Lincoln to Silvertown, Basildon and Barking, Bournemouth and on the P&O Liners currently cruising the world.

Meanwhile here in Wycombe the Tech/Dress run began at 2.30pm. The idea being to do a full technical with costumes (no make-up) of Act One today and, if time allowed, to run Act One again afterwards.

Paul Elliott’s technical rehearsals are always very prompt. They generally begin bang on time. Today was no exception! The Quick Change area seems to be working out very well indeed. It’s so much warmer than being in the scene dock, and there’s more light to work with. The first dress tech is always a rushed affair, because although we try and list everything that happens for Wardrobe, you need to have the time to go through the costume plot with everyone involved. During this rehearsal Jo, Sonia, Rebecca and Sinead were seeing each costume of ours and each wig for the first time. It’s no good saying “Now in this scene we’ll be wearing the purple wig.. err the other purple wig.. that one with the tall feathers on top..” its easier to point them out and give them names. “In this bit I wear the purple “Molly Sugden”- In this one the “Mommy Dearest”- This here is “Yellow Slapper”…! Put a name to the wig I say- it’s just one of twenty odd wigs on the table!

We did rather well, though I say it myself. The ladies excelled themselves in finding places for “pre sets” (that’s where you set out the costume & wig ready for a quick change in advance) even though we were not entirely sure where the scenery would be put once the set was changed- never having witnessed it yet. As I’ve said before, the “Swan” is not a big theatre backstage, and our Village trucks fill up most of the Stage Right Wing once they have been “struck”- removed from the stage. Good job most of our changes are done Stage Left.

We were doing really well- did the first three costume changes that happen in swift succession in the first scene- The Walk-Across Gold & Bronze outfits, under-dressed with the Silver and Black “opening” outfits , under-dressed with the Psychedelic “retro” mini dresses and matching boots- we must weigh a ton with three costumes on at once- but unfortunately we blew it on the fourth change!

Our fault entirely. Being very smug about the changes one to three, we trotted into the quick change and began slowly putting on the Picnic scene costumes. “Yes, we’ve done this for years..Oh yes, I remember when in….” We heard the queue coming up. Both of us stopped in our tracks. Both jaws dropped. “Oh god” said Peter, “We forgot the Ice-Creams!”

That wasn’t referring to the interval treats. It refers to the FOURTH change, when Peter enters as an Ice-Cream cone, and I enter as a folded deck-chair. We could clearly hear Brian and Dawson getting near to our cue to enter, so we legged it- entering to “Oh I do Like To Be Beside The Seaside” wearing fetching Primark Dressing Gowns and red faces!

Actually no-one seemed to mind. They probably thought the costumes weren’t quite ready yet.. we did the dialogue and sloped off. Very amused to see that in our haste to get onstage, we’d left two pair of Picnic bloomers lying in the middle of the floor of the quick change. It was like a costumic “Marie-Celeste”!.

The tech went swiftly and securely. That’s one of the reasons we tech. To ensure it goes safely. There are lots of effects, pyrotechnics, and electrics to combine with actors, crew and of course the ponies and the juveniles. (not in any particular order that last list I hasten to add!).

This was the first time that Kerry would be flying across the stage on her glittering moon. It was the first time that the children would be dancing in their woodland costumes and masks in a confined space. It was the first time that the two tiny Shetland ponies had experienced the firework effect that ends act one. Everything is rehearsed for safety and security. That’s why a tech rehearsal can be a little slow. It is so we are all safe!

We broke at 5.30pm having almost completed the act, and returned at seven o’clock. We finished the “tech”- Cinderella did indeed set off to the ball, and then we started right from the top, and completed a non stop run of Act One up until 9.30pm when we were finished for the night.

Again, a remarkable achievement- although a few of us have done this particular show many times, certainly the Wycombe crew, and our sound operators, wardrobe and musicians have not- I think Paul was delighted yet again, and very secure in the knowledge that his show is in very safe hands here at the “Swan”.

Tomorrows call- 2.30pm to “Tech/Dress” Act Two from the top of the ballroom.

Called at 2.30pm today- the plan is to do two full tech/dress runs of act two. Act two itself in “real time” should run about 55 minutes total, so we were optimistic we’d get two runs in and possibly be finished by 9pm.

Something has gone awry with the heating or the ventilation in the theatre today. It was extremely hot backstage and, in fact, in the auditorium. Uncomfortable yes, but unbearable, no! I believe it is getting fixed tomorrow.

The Ballroom set is obviously a little smaller than it was at say Birmingham or Plymouth, and Peter and I have to take care when we descend the staircase- it’s narrower than usual. I wish I was narrower..I have, as most people realise, always been svelte. Not just skinny but basically a stick insect in a frock in panto. Peter has always been the, how can I put this delicately? Peter has always been the more upholstered Sister of the duo. I fear the worst. Peter is a shadow of his former self- healthy eating and working hard all summer- I have very recently given up smoking. Ah… Yes…

After twenty six years of snickering as dressers have almost lost their thumbs attempting to get Peter Robbins squeezed into a ballgown, twenty odd years of remarking whether or not an elastic gusset might be useful…the tide has turned! Yes- I have, in fact, put on weight. About a stone. In a month. I am no longer a size zero.

I no longer fit my ballgown. The shame and ignominy of it- but there is a triangular gap in the back that indicates there is no possible way it will do up. Worse still, I barely fit into my Picnic table. That table is a circular table with a small circular hole cut in the centre. The hole was created a few years ago to fit my hips/waist exactly. That way it would not slip down.

Slip down?? It takes two ladies and an Ugly Sister to try and ram it over my hips from below in a highly undignified manoeuvre. Accompanied by wheezing and squeezing noises and a sudden “pop”, I finally get into it, only to face exactly the same treatment as soon as I exit the hunting scene. Peter says nothing. But I can hear him think…

The first dress tech sped along, and went extremely well. No upsets or traumas. Paul had to reset the position of “the babes” in the ballroom, as, by the time we’d all arrived in the ballroom they were hidden from view by our voluminous costumes. We get a glimpse of Barry (MD) on a monitor which is fixed to the circle. Barry and his musicians are completely hidden away beneath the stage, and cannot see us except via a television monitor. We see Barry on a similar screen. To date we haven’t met the band- or actually ever seen them!

Had our break at 5.30 until 7pm, then did it all over again, and the proof of the pudding- Act Two should run about 55 minutes. We started our run at 7pm and were finished by 8pm. How that eh?

An early night- retired to the local hostellery for a glass of vimto, joined by Martin, Jody and Jo, Rebecca, Sonia and Sinead. We were joined in turn by Jack- not the dancer, but the pub’s cat. Jack is apparently 18 years old, and has his own cushion. I noticed the pub fridges have “Cat Milk” and “Whiskers”- he seems very well looked after! This is a picture of Jack in Party Mood!

Final and full dress rehearsal at 2.30pm. At this point in time Peter and I are usually organised, but we both came in a bit earlier, just to check on everything. Everything seems rushed in these early stages of the show, and it generally takes a day or so before you find where the gaps are (to return to the dressing room, and to feed the ponies!) in the production.

During the afternoon “dress” we mostly stayed in the Quick Change, and I only went to the dressing room once, during the interval. The second half is very quick for us anyway, with no chance to make it upstairs after the Ballroom entrance.

Either Sinead’s fingers have got stronger, or the fabric has stretched, but I can now announce I can get in to my ballroom dress with no gaps visible. My face goes a bit red, but that’s fine- it suits the character! The table costume is still a struggle.

Dress run went very well indeed. We had notes with Paul (Elliott) in the stalls afterwards, mostly small precision “tidying up” notes, and a few small changes in blocking. During this time Michelle and Dean had a quick press call which made me deeply envious. They got to meet a foyer full of “Hearing” Dogs who assist those people who are profoundly deaf or who have hearing impairment. Michelle took some photos herself, and we got very broody over pics of spaniels, terriers and shaggy dogs!

Between the rehearsal and the first night we had about an hour. Time to grab a sandwich in the dressing room, finish writing a few first night cards, and then we were off and running.

We went up on time. I think we had about 850-900 in the auditorium, and our Fairy Kerry opened the proceedings on her glittery moon, flying across the stage courtesy of “Foy”. Nice big “Oooh” and “Ahhh!” as she entered, and our pantomime had begun.

It all ran very smoothly. The first show is interesting as it can be the first time you get to gauge the audience- particularly for those new to this particular script. Discovering where the laughs are, and how long the laugh will last- whether the children will shout out or respond in a particular way- while performing your ears are acting like antennae, and your brain is saying “Oh right- that’s a laugh in a different place to usual”, or “I didn’t think they’d boo us there at that particular moment”, and you can file it for future reference. It’s a first night learning experience that no amount of rehearsal can give you. The mystery of the Live audience!

I’d like to say it was a highly charged deeply emotional and nerve wracking First Night kind of thing… That’s how it would be in the movies.. the cast flustered but glowing and applauding each other from the sidelines.. err no. There’s more of an atmosphere of calm and I suppose concentration than anything. Everybody is too busy to be either nervous or flustered. Backstage has moments of calm then moments of flurry as an entire village is removed from the stage, stacked up in the wing and a cloth flies in, before the calm returns.

One of the reasons a First Night goes as well as this one did is due to an efficient Stage Crew. This we fortunately have here at the Swan. The audience only see us lot on the stage. They don’t even get to see the musicians hidden beneath the stage. The musicians don’t even get to see us! Unseen to that audience is the core of the show- a crew of something like fourteen people backstage. They ensure the sets change in the blink of an eye, and that lights hit the correct spot at the right time- cues, effects, smoke and dry ice effects- glowing star cloths and lasers- it takes these fourteen people co-ordinated by Martin our DSM to make the magic actually happen.

In the Follow Spot Booth- top of the theatre: Hazel Paterson and Jamie Townend

Our LX (Electrical!) Operator is Sebastian Petit and our Stage LX is Kyle Sepede.

The show ran to time as well, which was very encouraging, and at the curtain call Brian made a speech thanking everyone concerned, and in particular our director and our choreographer- the two Paul’s- Paul Elliott & Paul Robinson.

Quick shower then round to the Front Of House for a drink and a sausage roll- management staff and all. Lovely to see Ann-Marie Conley and daughters Amy and Lucy again, and Linda Hayden (Mrs Elliott) at the “do” and to have a chat.

A swift half a lemonade in the pub next door, then off to the digs. Well- we’ve opened, and, in the words of Peter Robbins-“ right, now we’ve just got to do it now!”-very true. From now on we’re twice a day, six days a week until the 6^th January. Oh, and we now know where we’ll be next year- sorry. My lips are sealed..I mean we’ve only just opened THIS one!

Our first full day of twice daily- interesting to see how the audiences can differ from show to show- it takes a few shows to get a gauge . It’s also interesting to see the habits that will begin forming backstage- I’ve mentioned this in other diaries over the years- the way you begin to find yourself standing in the same place, at the same time every day, or doing the same thing at exactly the same moment as the run goes on.

Today we discovered we had a little more time than we thought to change into the “Slipper Fitting” costumes- we were so determined to be ready on time yesterday that, in our eagerness we were virtually changing on stage! So near to the edge of the wing we were probably viewed by about 10% of the audience! Today we realise we can change unseen further off stage and not so frantically as yesterday! Everyday new lessons learnt.

Between shows we went on another hunt for the now totally elusive soft furnishing! I thought I’d spotted three chairs in the stage door area that would be potential “sofa” substitutes, but it was a lost mission. Those chairs are not for the moving. As the picture shows our ONE chair (rescued from the town hall dressing room) is very popular, and makes the ideal Cinderella curling-up spot, but sadly all we can offer passing guests is a floor space. The search continues!

We now have access to a microwave, so we are no longer limited to a sandwich between shows- the world of M&S is now open to us- thanks Jody! Much appreciated.

Our Prince & Dandini have the dressing room opposite the Sisters, and we couldn’t help but notice something lurking on their shelf. At first I thought it might be a pet rabbit or fluffy mascot, but discovered the mystery objects are in fact wigs. Period wigs for the wearing of in a ballroom scenario wigs! Fortunately Mr Elliott was not too keen on these postiches, and they won’t be seen on the boys heads. Except for this one exclusive photograph. Yes- one time only this is how Prince Charming and Dandini MIGHT have looked at the Grand Ball! Aren’t they lucky?

Both shows ran very much to time- I think we have approximately One Hour and Ten Minutes first Act, and One Hour Second Act with a Twenty Minute Interval.

Tomorrow, being a Sunday our two shows are slightly earlier. We go up at 1.30pm and 5.30pm tomorrow- so we should be down by 8pm ready for the journey home. I’m guessing everybody will go to their homes tomorrow evening, and return Tuesday lunchtime.

Our two early shows today- at 1.30pm and again at 5.30pm. This still leaves an hour and a half between shows, as we came down at about four o’clock. Mostly people just stay put backstage- we now have a microwave, and a makeshift sofa installed in dressing rooms five & six here, and although we miss the lovely backstage canteen at Birmingham (And Marge’s cooking!) we fend for ourselves here!

The early show was a jolly audience, a lot jollier than we’d expected, as sometimes a Sunday matinee crowd can be a bit laid-back- I blame it on the Sunday Roast Syndrome. Maybe going up earlier helps?

I went down during the “transformation” scene to check out the ponies- two lovely white Shetlands. I saw their Horse Box arrive from the window of Number Six, and assumed they entered via the outer scene dock, and then the crew would open the big shutters that lead on to the stage. I was mistaken. Because they are SO small, both ponies go into the outer dock, then are led through two ordinary sized doors on to the stage- it necessitates a sharp left turn, but they trotted through without a care in the world. Today’s treat was Polo Mints, as I’ve not organised apple for “the Boys” yet- actually these two are both “The Girls”, and originate, as do all the Qdos Ponies from Mr Luckings stable of Panto Ponies.

I actually had a coach party of my very own in tonight- sixteen panto people from Ilford’s “Jack & The Beanstalk” which begins rehearsing at the Kenneth More Theatre tomorrow. I’ll actually be able to pop in on their rehearsal as I’ll be there on my day off tomorrow! Having written and costumed it, it will be my January treat to see it when we finish here- I’ll not get the opportunity before then.

Peter and I have have discovered “Crocs” I think they’re called- those soft jelly-type shoes that are trendy, but look a bit like beach shoes? They come in a variety of bright colours. I bought some to wear with my deckchair outfit, with an ulterior motive: I thought if I had a recurrence of back problems from the high block shoes, I could always wear the Crocs with a few outfits as a remedy. Peter has now invested for his Ice-Cream Costume and, since they are the nearest thing to paradise for podiatry, its hell’s own job to get them off us! What bliss- walking around backstage in comfort..This could be the start of something big. Jimmy Choo? Pooh! Give us Crocs!!

Finished at Eight O’clock, then everyone had vanished from the dressing rooms by about ten past- some were already at the railway station by then! A whole day off. See you Tuesday!

Quite often the opening night of a Panto, and the Press Night are set apart. Press night is often a few days after we open, just to allow a few days for the show to “run-in” before the reviewers get to see it. Our press night was this evening, after we’ve done six shows to let the dust settle!

The dressing room has now acquired a fridge (Thanks Martin!) which means you can stock up on between shows food, and chill the vimto to the required temperature, and our temporary sofa is serviceable, so we’re fairly settled now.

Had a brief discussion between shows about superstitions. A lot of people- Peter & I included are a bit superstitious backstage. The old superstitions like whistling backstage, or in a dressing room, for example, or quoting “The Scottish Play” by its full title brings shivers to our skins! A lot of people aren’t bothered- we have, I think, a few superstitions listed on a factsheet in this site if you’d care to take a look?

Between shows we had experienced both whistling and indeed mention of said Scottish play in full. Like ancient mariners peering into the murky waters we was afeared! As it turned out the only bit of bad luck in the Press Show was at the very end, when the tabs (the main curtains) got themselves hooked up on something, and so consequently the curtain didn’t actually come down as we bowed. It did it a second time, and finally unhooked itself so we were able to exit with dignity!

However- we did have something occur in the Matinee that has never happened to us in the past twenty five odd years.

The “serious” scene for the Ugly Sisters is when we bully Cinderella into tearing up her own ball ticket. It is pretty much the crux of the plot- the catalyst for the magic that is about to happen. It is important that she tears up her ticket. In one motion her dreams are shattered.

As I grabbed the gold embossed invitation off Michelle this afternoon, it simply tore in half! We all stopped and stared- she had half and I had half! The plot ditched- the scene useless!! What to do? Options swam through my head. To simply say “There you are!” cackle and sweep off stage with Peter in tow, or to try and salvage a bit of plot? Not much of a scene that tho eh? The Four second Ticket Tearing Scene? Hmm..

We were still, all three staring at the torn ticket. “My dear, you’ve torn your lovely ticket..” I heard myself saying.. “We must get you a new one!”. I look off stage to see scurrying, as a duplicate ticket is found. Off I go, into the wings. The only ticket ready to hand is what the Prince and Dandini use as a sort of “model” ticket. It is much bigger than the tearing ticket, much grander- thicker and almost un-tearable! The edge is decorated with unbreakable gold tinsel even! The rest of the scene involved doing dialogue, being menacing and frantically trying to secretly tear apart the bits of trimming and decoration on this thick wedge of a ticket, so that Michelle could actually tear it on cue!.

The Evening show (with the exception of that curtain) went very well indeed, with a very jolly audience. Afterwards we were invited to the foyer bar to celebrate press night- I think the press enjoyed themselves- they certainly enjoyed their buffet. You’ve probably seen those Premier “Red Carpet” , VIP area only events on the television? That was us tonight.. Wycombe’s answer to the Oscars!

When you’ve got the best there is, how can you do better? That’s a question that the folks at Qdos must ask themselves every year and the answer surely lies with their superbly professional team who have once again made the Wycombe Swan’s panto arguably the best in the region.

Its success is owed in part to the non-headliners in the cast such as Kerry Winter who gives a strong performance as the Fairy, Michelle Potter as a very compelling Cinderella and Dean Chisnall and Jody Crosier as the energetic and youthful Charming and Dandini.

But the show also boasts some of the best leading names in the business. Dawson Chance livens up the role of Baron with his ventriloquist act and the irrepressibly outrageous Peter Robbins and Nigel Ellacott as the Ugly Sisters continue to impress year after year with their brilliant double act and fantastic costumes.

To complete the recipe for success, the multitalented Brian Conley has the enviable skill of being able to entertain a huge cross section of the audience. As stalwarts of the industry, they have all also mastered the art of corpsing so that every audience feels they are being treated to a unique performance. That, surely, is the real magic of pantomime.

Kerry and Brian	Kerry
	Nigel
	Brian and Michelle
	Peter and Nigel
Michelle and Dean	Dawson

	Nigel and Jody

	Kerry

The show is settling down now- nothing of note to report yesterday, and today we did our two shows as usual. The matinee was very full with many school parties in- very rowdy but appreciative they were too- a sea of red and blue school uniforms, and the poor male teacher to be picked on by the “Sisters” naturally. Will Mr Phillips life at school ever be the same one wonders?

It is always a revelation to me that, eight or nine shows in, that change that was so quick a few shows ago, is now quite leisurely! Routine has set in, and there is no longer that slight edge of semi-panic. You know exactly what is happening at each given moment.

Very irritating, but the Front of House Music, played over the tannoy is now on a loop. It plays the very same track at the very same time every show. Like lift music repeating itself over & over. Doris Day is extolling the virtues of a “White Christmas” as I go downstairs on the Act One “Beginners” call, and Aled Jones is giving his very high pitched rendition of “Walking In The Air” as the Ballroom is ready to commence. (Ed - I must point out that in fact it is not Aled Jones singing Walking in the Air - the actual person singing on the track was Peter Auty, now an international opera singer! Aled was credited for a long time but this has now been rectified! Anyway, useless fact over - back to the diary!) I always put my opening three sets of costumes on to the accompaniment of Cliff Richard singing about Mistletoe and Wine… Aaagh! I’m not a celebrity, get me out of here!

One of the great things about doing a show in different Theatres, is getting to meet your new colleagues, and find out about people.

The things you observe in the wings..a few times I’ve glanced into the Stage Right Wing while I’ve been on stage, and noticed some of the crew doing stretching exercises, and in fact, between shows, a few of them doing near acrobatic activities- a mini human pyramid at one point. Investigation was called for. Where did these remarkable skills come from.? The answer?

Yuri Queiroz, one of the technical staff at the Swan is, in fact a second generation technician here. His Dad Carlos was the Technical Manager at this theatre from the time the Swan Opened, and was here for something akin to fourteen years, before he returned to his native Portugal.

The whole family were involved in working at the Swan in fact. At one point about three and a half years ago all four members of the Queiroz family were working here- Carlos and his wife Rosslyn, as well as Yuri and his Brother Sacha. Sacha is now Technical Stage Manager at the Apollo Victoria (working on “Wicked”) while Yuri’s Dad is working as an actor in Theatre, film and a popular “soap” in Portugal.

Yuri’s acrobatic demeanour comes from the fact that he trained for a year in Circus Skills at “Circomedia” in Bristol. Training there covers most of the skills you would need to develop as a Circus performer- acrobatics, trapeze work and Ariel work including Silks, Cordlise (rope-work) and “Spanish Web”- spinning ropes, as well as Fire Manipulation.

Yuri has learnt these skills, and indeed teaches them- hence the odd crew member who can perform acrobatic routines not usually associated with backstage life! In some theatres the most acrobatic skill might be the raising of a glass.. here, a few back flips and the odd scaling of a wall is par for the course!

Yuri worked for a while in America, where he taught the circus skills, in Pennsylvania for five months, and while there managed to feature in a Doc Martin’s advert broadcast throughout the States. Not bad eh? He was telling me that he reckons the most challenging of the circus skills are Cordlise or silk work (you might have seen it on that Television Ident, or at the Millennium Dome as was?).

Yuri recommends a website called www.firedancers.com for anyone interested in such skills: but please dear reader, do NOT try this at home! Yuri trained and has no intention of getting singed!

Matinee with many school parties in again. I’m always reminded of that scene in “Gremlins” when they are all sitting in the cinema watching “Snow White”- you know the one? A sea of eager little faces cramming food into their mouths and then spitting most of it out because they’re laughing!

Unfortunately it was me laughing today. Very bad. “Corpsing” as we call it is never a good thing. Corpsing and being unable to say your line is worse. Fortunately Peter was able to say it for me. Silly things set you off really, nothing especially funny.. in this case Dawson’s dressing room key with its enormous wooden “fob” the size of a Grapefruit falling out of his pocket and hitting the deck set me off somewhat. He’d forgotten to put it on the rack by the prompt corner. I think it was the way Willy stared at it first , followed by Dawson that got me going..

We had a minor delay in going up on Act Two, so for once that “lift Music” got out of sync- Thanks Simon for the “Not Aled Jones” information yesterday- I never knew that!!- so I didn’t get Cliff singing as I prepared in the Quick Change Room.

I did a brief BBC Radio chat between shows from the dressing room. I love radio- you don’t have to dress up or anything- I looked pretty scary in a dressing gown, full make-up and a half eaten sandwich in one hand as it was. The subject of this radio piece was “Five things you DIDN’T know about Panto”.

Lots of choices here, but I picked a few favourite topics- Fairies: Always enter from Stage Right- “The Good Side”, followed by Widow Twankey takes her name from a brand of popular Victorian Tea from the Tuon Kay District of China..then I chose Abanazar is the villain’s name in “Aladdin” NOT Jaffar (a pet subject for me: We had the name sorted a good hundred and fifty years before Mr Disney’s cartoon messed about with it!) then chatted about Pantomime Horses, or the lack of- how most people associate a Two Person horse with Panto.

In fact, of course, there are virtually NO pantomime horses- I’ve never encountered on in over thirty years- we have Panto Cows, Geese, and Cats- but hardly ever a Horse.. And my final one was the tradition we have whereby the very last words of the pantomime- usually rhyming couplets said before the curtain call, are NEVER spoken until the first night. A superstition nearly every theatre upholds to this day!

So that was followed by eating the remains of the sandwich, and having a snooze on the chair for half an hour. The thrill and excitement of backstage life- such a whirlwind of glamour. Next door our dancers were playing games- board games, and Peter set to repairing a few of our bits that need attention. The long stocking I wear- the one Jody tugs during the slipper fitting- had developed a large hole, and a few odd items needed “stewing and glueing”. I have no idea where the phrase comes from, but I keep remembering the phrase “It will be fine with a bit of steam from Maud’s Kettle”.. I’m pretty certain I was introduced to it by Patrick (Fyffe) Dame Hilda, who was our Fairy Godmother on several occasions. Patrick had a wonderful turn of phrase both off stage and on stage. I do miss his wonderful wit, sitting on our sofa between shows. George (Logan), Dr. Evadne now lives in a very beautiful part of France, and tells me that he very rarely misses “The Business”- I have to say George that the Business really misses Hinge & Bracket, those “Dear Ladies”.

What set me off memory lane? It must be time for Cocoa. “Matron? Is it time yet?”…

Outside it’s turned decidedly chilly, but here in Pantoland its sunny and bright. I nipped out into the outer scene dock for a moment in Act One to feed the ponies, and it is like stepping from the Bahamas into the Arctic! Easy to forget how warm it is on stage with all those lights ablaze.

Between shows Jody’s microwave is very much in demand. First come, first cooked is the motto. It’s a glamorous life backstage between shows- there we all are in our posh togs, sipping champagne and nibbling on a canapé or two.. Peter has an aperitif- actually they’re his own…the glamorous showbiz life-style is here for all to see. Actually it is more like a slumber party in BHS, but it’s nice to dream isn’t it?

I myself settled for Macaroni Cheese, half a baguette and a copy of “Viz” before settling down for a twenty minute doze in the Parker-Knoll recliner, then it was time for Round Two.

The second show was slightly occupied with a quiz. We’ve all been given a list of clues that make up the name of chocolate & confectionary. I think it’s meant to last a few days, but in between entrances the place is humming with whirring brain cells. Apparently the fastest results to date are from the Juveniles room. They only have one left unanswered.. You see? Education..Education… Education!

Poor Dean. Our dashing Prince was a bit dashed in the ballroom scene he was regally announced by Jody: “My Lords Ladies and Gentlemen..His Royal Highness The Prince Charming!” The golden doors opened, and out strode the dashing soon to be West End Star ( The Savoy Theatre- Tickets on sale now at all prices..) and his radio mike failed on him. Bless him. Now in a play, actors are not “Miked” so that is not a problem, but in a musical show like ours where everyone is radio miked, the person sans mike is a very quiet person.

His fellow ‘pro’s did what they always do. “Buddy-Breathing”. You know? Like divers do under the water if one of them has a failure in their oxygen tank? Your fellow artiste approaches you and you speak discretely into their microphone, wherever it may be secreted- usually you talk to their forehead, or, in the case of an Ugly Sister, into their cleavage!

Dean coasted from Cleavage to forehead gaining a few good natured titters on the way, until he was furnished with his very own hand mike (you only see them these days in a case of emergency in a panto) to complete the dialogue and, of course, his duet with Michelle. The audience actually enjoyed this glimpse into the workings, as it proves this really is a live show! No miming here!

Two more shows tomorrow then a day off- the following week is a heavy one, with the run up towards Christmas itself, and we’ll be packed out, so this day off is very vital for resting and recharging the batteries. I will be taking a break from this diary to do just that, so I’ll catch up with the world of Pantoland on paper again on Tuesday Night.

by Bob (Senior Stage Door Keeper) and Vanessa (Stage Door Keeper) Wycombe Swan

It’s 09.30 and our day starts! First it is the unlock of the building (oh all those stairs!) and then deliveries start to arrive. We then have the sales figures to be e-mailed out to companies, then all and sundry arrive for various meetings. 'Have you got a needle and thread?' someone will ask, 'Yes we do!' is the reply. 'Any chance of a sofa in our dressing room?' a member of cast enquires, so out comes the yellow pages but no luck, we did our best! 'Can we have a fridge in our dressing room?', sorry but no! 'But of course you can use ours at stagedoor', 'Great!' comes the reply - hang on where can we put our food as it is now stuffed to capacity with M&S ready meals!? Then comes the first member of staff with love life worries (we should have taken a psychology degree), the phone is ringing constantly but when can I use the loo or grab a bite to eat? When you have a quiet period we are told - that must be a joke! Company mail to be sorted, dressing room keys to be issued, emails to be read and forwarded to the correct department, signing in and out procedure to be explained to the company all this with a cheery smile. The show goes up then the call comes, some child has been sick so a radio call to get it sorted. What do you think about the world food shortage someone will enquire? We really are jack of all trades. At last time to go home oh no I forgot time to do the lock up! (all those damn stairs again!), all windows to be shut, all taps turned off, every door to be checked, all lights turned off . Some nights we get home at 3-4am all night if there is an ice call or an overnight paint call. But do we complain no why? Because we love our job and because we meet such wonderful people in Theatre land!

Returning after a day off- this is the first of fourteen shows before our next day off, which, not surprisingly will be Christmas day! Time to pace ourselves I think. Its odd to consider we’ve only got two days off in total before we finish- Christmas day and New Year’s day, then suddenly it will be over almost as soon as we’ve begun. Tomorrow (I think) Birmingham Panto opens, so this time last year we’d not even begun!

Sunday’s two shows were fine- packed to the rafters, and the theatre was deserted about ten minutes after the curtain fell at 8pm- everyone racing to get to their homes and sleep in their own beds (except the commuters like Peter who gets that luxury every night, but the added hassle of the travelling).

A lot of school parties in for the 2.30pm matinee, and we had a visitor from Pantoland- Andrew Ryan, who is directing and performing as Dame in “Sleeping Beauty” at Bournemouth Pavilion. Andrew had the day off today, and saw our matinee before heading off to Bournemouth.

Between shows I thought I might just put my feet up for a few minutes, and promptly dropped off for most of the break! I think Peter took a photograph of this “Sleeping Beauty”, it is the sort of thing he might well do, and if so I’ll possibly add it to this diary’s collection, if it’s not too scary!

I think I dropped off because he had brought in a dvd he’s made of our appearance in “Ready Steady Cook” several years ago (renewing our panto association with Fern Britton) . He’s been transferring some Video into DVD format, and it sent me into dreamland! There’s a possibility that he has some footage of our Panto seasons with Dame Hilda, from the New Theatre Cardiff many moons ago- I didn’t realise we had some of this archive. Apparently it is very poor quality but if it is viewable, we’ll be adding this to the media section on IBY. I’m looking forward to seeing this, as I had no idea we had the wonderful Dame Hilda as Fairy Godmother recorded for posterity.

Martin & Bryan have organised Quiz number two tonight- this time its Themed on Television Programmes- trickier than the previous one. When the results were in last week the winners were Ladies & Gentlemen of the Ensemble. At quiet moments during the day cast and crew could be found huddled in corners conferring with team mates. It is a very good idea, as it keeps the brain cells ticking and keeps us sharp for the show as well.

Had a few messages from Panto-land between shows- news from Aberdeen’s “Aladdin”, via a message from our mate Stefan Dennis- he’s giving his Abanazar whilst on a break between his two soaps- “Neighbours” of course in Australia and “River City” filmed in Scorland. Great to hear from our old “Buttons” again! Also got a message from Judy Cornwall- our Fairy Godmother the first time we were at the Hippodrome in Birmingham, and again in Nottingham- Judy is not doing Panto this year as she’s being a “baddy” in East Enders at the moment, and gets a proper Christmas break!

A very jolly show this evening, and a visit from Qdos Royalty too boot- Michael Harrison and Jonathan Kiley were in tonight- They’ve done the rounds of all the Qdos pantomimes that have opened, and now the only remaining one for them to see is Birmingham Hippodrome. Good to catch up with Panto news with them- I have no idea how many shows they will have seen by the end of January, but I can imagine it will be an impressive number!

Awaiting news on Ilford’s panto- The one “wot I wrote”- tonight is their full dress rehearsal, and I’m hoping to get a report on how it went before they open tomorrow. Best of luck you “Jack and the Beanstalk” lot- I’ll be thinking of you tomorrow!

One of life’s mysteries is how, despite actually staying here in Wycombe, and getting into the theatre a good half an hour before “The Half”, I am still racing to get my face on when “Beginners” is called! I had to warn Peter when he was returning to the dressing room that we hadn’t been robbed, the carnage was simply me trying to get out of the room and down the stairs to the Quick Change room! What happens during that missing fifty-five minutes? I have NO idea!

Matinee was mostly full of very wee children. The front rows certainly were, and they were quite tiny. I noticed them cowering a bit during the ticket tearing, so I went a little easier on poor Cinders- well, only for a second! They had a look of awe and wonder on their faces in the transformation I noticed as I peered around the cloth.

Between shows quite a crowd of us crammed ourselves into Jody & Dean’s dressing room to watch the Paul O’Grady Show- it was “Cinderella” with quite a stellar cast- Joan Collins, Cilla Black and Jo Brand along with the new King Of The Jungle- the delightful Chris Biggins. A lovely cameo role by Liz Smith as well. A bit scary to see all the avid reading of “Cue Cards”, but worth it to see Cilla appear as Fairy Godmother with a “Lorra Lorra” Charm!

Had a chat with James Horne today on the ‘phone- Jim is appearing as Dame Trott in Weston Super Mare, and opened a few days ago- and got news from Britt (Ekland) who is appearing as Fairy Godmother at Swindon’s Wyvern Theatre, between shows.

We were a celebrity theatre tonight- playing next door (literally next door- we sneaked backstage during a break in our show) was Alvin Stardust. He was doing a Christmas gig at the Swan’s Town Hall Theatre this evening. Dawson and Brian met up with Alvin, but sadly I didn’t co-incide- he was on stage whenever I wasn’t, and I missed out on saying hello to my fellow “Weakest Link” buddy! The last time I saw Alvin he was dressed as Abanazar in the BBC Studios- with Britt as Genie of the Lamp actually!

The evening show went up fifteen minutes late- there had been an accident on the motorway, and subsequently all the roads in and out of Wycombe were blocked. We received a warning that several large parties were stuck in the traffic jams that had built up, and sadly they failed to make it to the show. We actually played to 200 less than were booked this evening. What a shame- to get so near to Wycombe by car and by coaches, and yet not be able to see the panto. The empty rows were a very forlorn sight, but the audience we did have were very jolly, and great fun to play to.

Debra Aspinall is wowed by the versatile Brian Conley